I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize