so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
