just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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