My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
