What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
