If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
