Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
