ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
