He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
