so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize