so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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