He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
