Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
