Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
