It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
