she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
