Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

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(410): View more from Maryland

sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well

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(661): View more from California

He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(416): View more from Toronto

he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

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(510): View more from California

Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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(209): View more from California

Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel

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(216): View more from Ohio

I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like

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