Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.