Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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