Screwed.edu
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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