ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like