Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Semen is not good for contacts.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.