oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
