I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
