It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
And then the night went full on bisexual.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
