She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
