I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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