Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
