I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
