They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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