i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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