I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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