I need to stop coming to work sober
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
