I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
