It's Friday. Sex?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
should my penis look like a turkey
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
