My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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