Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
