chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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