I didn't shave. On purpose
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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