Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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