I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
