You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize