hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
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