guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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