Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
