I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
