well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
