he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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