Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
