Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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