he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
