my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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