I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
