i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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