You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize