come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
