I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize