Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
