Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
