Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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