if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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