This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
True college students do jello shots in the library
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