I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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